Her breath chattered out in short bursts as she pedaled the bicycle. She could feel each press of the pedals all though her legs and into her abs. The winter snow took more strength to get through, but mostly this was from going up the slight incline of the street's hill for so long. She also didn't have a fancy bike with the hugely oversized tired that people liked to ride around her in the winter, just a regular road bike, which made riding on ice fun. She was almost at the top of the hill.
The condensation from her breath on the inside of her scarf was gross against her lips. It was wet, but cold. Finally she stopped at the intersection. No cars were coming from the perpendicular street, so she pedaled forward again. She was only blocks away from her school, where she was a freshman philosophy (she loved ethics, but even more she loved formal logic - a way to pick apart the universe) student. Finally she made it to a street she had to stop at for longer, a busy thoroughfare. She stopped her bike there and started walking it up the street. Only three blocks and she'd be on campus.
Then she heard it. "Sir? Ma'am? Sir?" She knew they had to be talking to her. She didn't look womanly enough, dressed for the cold weather and riding a bike. She sucked in her breath through gritted teeth and turned, sighing. She had to reply. If she didn't, they'd continue their confused calling and draw more attention to her. So she turned and saw a portly butch woman gesturing toward her. "Excuse me, but do you have a few dollars you can spare." Jobless, she shook her head, "I'm sorry." And then turned and kept walking her bike up the street.
Her thighs burned as she stood waiting to cross the street. The cars kept coming and she waited what seemed like several minutes before she could cross. By then she had begun to notice the numbness in her hands. But school was only two blocks away. She'd get inside a building once she rode through campus a bit to get to her where her class was. The next few blocks presented little trouble to her, though her legs continued to ache and she swore her fingers were going to stay locked in place.
Finally she was cruising through campus, when she saw someone waving at her. Alice! Her crush, the only other girl like her at the school as far as she knew. But gorgeous. Unlike Natalia. She stopped her bike and walked it up to her friend, whose arms were already open for a hug.
"So," she said as she hugged Natalia, "When are you coming to Insight?"
She frowned upon hearing this, "You mean the Pride fest group. No no no nope." She actually said this and backed away slightly.
Alice laughed with that nearly perfect voice of hers, "C'mon, it'll be fun, you'll meet some other queers."
Still frowning, "Do they like it when you call them that?"
Finally frowning back at her, "Don't be like that, they're a lot more woke-"
"Did you really just say woke?"
"What's wrong with me-"
"No, nevermind. Sorry, I'm just upset because of some shit that happened on the way here."
"Oh baby, tell me about it."
"Nah, I gotta get to class. Meet you at the UC in two hours for lunch?"
"Okay, out by the bike rack, right?"
"Yep. Byeeeeee."
"Byeeeeeee."
She cruised down the campus the the John X Hodgins building, aimed herself at the bike rack and dismounted. The sidewalks were snowpacked, so she couldn't dismount in the fancy way she liked to in the spring and summer, where she swung her right leg back over the bike frame while it was still moving and stepped to a halt. Instead she just stopped the bike, leaned one leg down, and then swung her leg over. It wasn't as fun, but it was safer in these conditions. Then she locked her bike up, always through the back wheel's spokes, through the thing that held the wheel, and through the chain. Finally she stood back up and walked into the building. Students passed her in the halls, some giving her looks, most ignoring her, too wrapped up in their own business. Finally she found her classroom.
She sat down in the back of class, hoping no one would notice her. She had managed to make it in early despite talking to Alice and that was just the way she liked it. People who arrived last attracted the most attention, always having to look for a seat in the mostly-filled room. Dr. Strong was already in the front of the class, erasing something from the previous lesson. Students filled in and soon class was in session. But her focus was hardly on what was being taught. It went back to her encounter with that strange woman.
She thought like that for some minutes, then focused back on the class. It was something about a ticking time bomb scenario. Where you have to decide whether to use "enhanced interrogation", aka torture, to get information out of a terrorist about where a bomb is. Torture still seemed stupid to her. If the terrorist held out long enough, gave them whatever lies to buy time, the bomb would go off anyway. Most of the class actually agreed, which kind of shocked her. She thought about the practicality of it. Is that what mattered?
At the end of the class Natalia went up to Dr Strong.
"Walk with me, Natalia." So she did. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" her teacher asked.
"If the practicality is really something we should focus on? Does the end justify the means in a scenario like that."
"What do you think?" Dr. Strong lit up a cigarette, as they had just passed out of the building.
"Well, I think it's a moot point on the one hand, but on the other doesn't it set a precedent? What if something like torture did work, would it then be justifiable."
"So what do you think the solution is?"
"We don't rely on things like utilitarianism alone to make our ethical decisions. Each system is a tool that we can utilize to make such a decision."
"Write me a journal entry on that, with a logical argument and examples and I'll give you extra credit."
"Really? I just wanted to get your opinion on my thoughts."
"And you will, once you write that and I've had a chance to read it."
"Okay, cool."
"This is my stop, see you tomorrow."
Natalia walked a little further, to the school's university center. She walked through its hallways to an isolated hall between student org offices and sat down to write. Writing and making the argument felt good. It was nice to know she wouldn't get shouted down by an illogical idiot. Finally she saved the file, closed the window, and emailed it to Dr. Strong. Looking at the time, she decided she had enough to watch an episode of Stargate.
Forty minutes and one sci-fi adventure later, she closed her laptop and headed outside to the bike rack. Alice was waiting.
"Sorry, Alice, didn't mean to take so long."
"No, you're fine, I got here early."
"Okay."
"Ready for lunch?"
They walked back into the building, into the cafeteria, and filled up their plates with food. When they sat they barely said a word to each other and just ate. Natalia didn't know what made Alice so hungry, but she knew the ride here was what made herself hungry.
Afterwards they parted. Natalia looked longingly at Alice, but Alice had another class now. Natalia didn't for another hour, so she went back inside and watched more Stargate. Finally it was time to head to class, this one a Judo class. It made her feel so self-conscious, but at least you didn't have to change in the changing rooms for it. That passed uneventfully and she went to her next class, a class on narrative and descriptive writing.
This week they were reading Hemingway. The story was about some sad fuck or another, she didn't really care. But the way it was written, so concise. She liked that. Soon that class was over and it was time to go home. She walked back to her bike and tried to unlock it. The lock was frozen, of course. She sighed in frustration and walked back to the library. Down inside it, there was a Starbucks, "Hey, can I get a cup of hot water to go, please?" The barista asked her what size. "The littlest one." The barista filled a cup up with hot water and came back to her with it. She looked at the tip jar and Natalia made a squeamish face. "Sorry, thanks." The barista just shook her head and went back to wiping things down.
After she had walked back to the bike and poured the hot water on the lock, she opened the lock, then carefully tapped the water out. Then she got one the bike and rode home. It was colder out than when she had rode in, but she pedaled harder at the thought of that. It drove her to get home quicker and back inside a warm house.
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